Entry 9: Head On! Apply directly to the forehead!

If you've ever been watching TV later than 11 you've probably seen the completely annoying commercials for Head On. Here's a series of them that were actually aired in this order, with nothing in between. 

It's a gem, isn't it? What...what was the name of the product again? I didn't quite catch it the first time. Or the second. Definitely not the third. In my opinion, stuff like this is the epitome of bad advertising. It's like the stereotypical "all-time low" of an underacher's life: desperate, meaningless, and beyond dignity. 

I mean, what on earth? Hey guys rub this glue stick on your face to make headaches go away; seems legit. APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD. APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD. HEY APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD. It's so annoying! There's no other way to put it. The clip is 12 seconds long and they just repeat it over and over. There's no advertising techniques used (other than repetition, and maybe time pressure), and it seems like they threw it together on a dinosaur computer in 15 minutes. 

It has no substance at all, it's just screaming a brand at you repeatedly hoping you'll give in and buy it. Head On has been proved to be little more than wax and a placebo. The brand no longer even claims their product works, they just say to apply it. They definitely say to apply it. 

This represents the state advertising has come to. There's so much stuff out there that to break through the clutter advertisers can either try to one-up each other and come up with new, innovative approaches to advertising, or just beat their customers in the face like Head On does. 

The innovation is just as desperate as this, it's just the more appealing version. This kind of ad might actually portray how frantic advertising is more accurately than fancy, witty ads. If you think about it, getting famous comedians/actors/musicians/sports stars, great writers to come up with a worthwhile plot, the best technology to have good defenition and audio, etc., takes a LOT of work and shows how badly they're trying to reach you. Its hard to notice in the final, polished advertisement, but the desperation is there. With commercials like Head On, they serve the desperation quite raw. Maybe they don't have the time or dedication or money to come up with awesome commercials. It serves as a good illustration of the lengths advertisers go to to get our attention. 

Entry 8: Project X

Project X is a movie that came out March 2, 2011. Most people our age have probably seen it by now. If you haven't, the trailer pretty much sums it up: 

The plot doesn't advance too much beyond what happens in the trailer. This kid, Thomas, thinks he's going to have a small/medium sized party for his birthday, but partly because of his friend Costa's advertising and partly because it's a movie, hundreds and hundreds of people show up. There's every kind of drug, complete demolition of almost the whole street, sex, and illegality of any other kind you can think of. 

It's a terrible movie. I saw it and enjoyed it and I'd definitely see it again but I can't defend it as a legitimate film. It's supposed to and does look like it was filmed with a low quality camera, has almost no plot whatsoever, and a totally terrible moral. But everyone loves it. I like it, it's fun to watch. Anyone you talk to about it either says "God that was CRAZY", "Dude I want to go to a party like that so bad", or "Yeah, the soundtrack was awesome." 

What's cool is that you can tell this isn't meant to be a movie the same way other movies are. It's like reality--less than perfect looking main characters, no great lesson in the end, every day problems like getting parents' permission for things. That's why the surreal parts (the college playboy bunny-ish girls, billions of people, hot high school girls who look like they're 20, and the Dad being secretly proud of him in the end) are easier to believe. 

This movie also (kind of) glossed over all the negative stuff parties like this cause. They have Thomas (the host) freaking out the whole time, show things getting clearly out of hand and dangerous, and the destroyed house and monetary significance of the destruction, but they present it all as kind of insignificant. He still ends up getting the girl, Costa is loving the fame, and their lives have changed for the better. If that had been real life, people would have died and all the main characters would be jailed for involuntary manslaughter. His parents' lives would've been ruined, everyone in his high school would have STDs, and every girl who went would hate herself for the rest of her life. 

They manage to present it as a real possibility, and a perfect night that only exists in party utopia at the same time. So, people really want to go to it, and don't worry about the insanity that in reality probably wouldn't even be fun. (I'd still go.) It's the perfect combination of realism and fantasy that really appeals to teenagers. 

The music is also a big part of this movie's appeal. It is also geared to teenagers, and different groups of teenagers. There's Pusha T, D-12, Dr. Dre and Waka Flocka for the hip hop fans, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Shiny Toy Guns for the white kids, and total party music for everyone once they get into the spirit of the movie. They have some songs (Tipsy, Fight Music, Pursuit of Happiness) that everyone knows, and hearing them in a soundtrack makes you feel more connected to the movie. 

Some needs this movie appealed to were the need for affiliation, and the need for autonomy. In the beginning, Thomas is a sad, unknown nerd, and just wants to be cool for one night. He goes to great (great, great) lengths to get noticed by the people of his school and even the rest of his town and make new friends. This is probably something on most high schoolers' minds, so it speaks to the target audience. 

Also, in all of the previews, instead of saying "showing" or "coming out" on March 2, they say, "You're invited." This movie is about being part of something, not watching a film. It's all ridiculous, but it works. 

Entry 7: Radio 94.7

It's hard to find decent stations to listen to on the radio these days. There are so many awesome alternatives--from Spotify, to Pandora, to Songza, to any kind of personal music player, including just listening to files on a computer. Unfortunately, I don't have the time or money to fill up my iPod with all the music I like, and I don't have WiFi in my room. It's radio for me, and one station that I listen to a lot, Radio 94.7 (http://www.radio947.net/), is beginning to annoy me to the point that I'd rather do homework in silence. That's a big deal, because doing homework in silence is really depressing. It's when you start hearing the voices...

Please please get out of my head!

Radio 94.7's appeal is that they play alternative music, and aren't controlled by big corporations that force feed the public mass media. It goes along with a lot of the themes discussed in Merchants of Cool. 94.7 is everything old MTV was not. They're different and authentic and personal, genuine members of the Sacramento music scene and committed to never selling out. At least, that's what they say. 

One of the points they always mention is that they don't have live DJs, because radio should be music and not talking. Instead, they have several recordings that play between songs. I listened to their station for about an hour and wrote down the things they said: 

"This will be quick, Radio 94.7's back to the music in 60 seconds."
"The commercials never take too long. YOU want to hear music. Radio 94.7"
"We limit our commercials, which means we DON'T have a huge marketing budget for Radio 94.7. Our growth is all thanks to you. We REALLY appreciate that you're spreading the word."
"Limited commercials. A simple strategy, but REALLY hard for a lot of radio stations to do. Radio 94.7."
"Radio 94.7 isn't held by some corporate office. YOU determine what we play, not some corporate guy who's never even been to Sacramento."

All of these are recordings of two people, one male and one female, and all are dripping with that quality a person's voice takes on when they have that extremely self-satisfied, simpering smile plastered on their face. The girl sounds so infatuated with the genius that is Radio 94.7 that she's about to break into a smug giggle. The last three examples especially give off that self-righteous superiority so many hipsters are known for. 

It's true that many of their commercial breaks are one minute, but when they're not, they're around eight. Completely mainstream, manufactured stations like 107.9 don't have commercial breaks nearly that long. Also, two songs they play incessantly are Lights by Ellie Goulding, (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NKUpo_xKyQ) and Safe and Sound by Capital Cities, (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWZr2F0qohA). Safe and Sound has an awesome video, but both songs are electronic and Ellie Goulding is in no way alternative. 94.7 is incredibly pompous and snobby, and their holier-than-thou attitude towards other stations makes me really mad. 

The needs their slogans try to meet are the need for autonomy, affiliation, and to some extent, the need to satisfy curiosity. Being a cool person who listens to Radio 94.7 instead of "corporate" stuff has to do with autonomy because it sets you above everyone else. Being with all the other cool people helping to spread the word about the station and have a little closely-knit underground community has to do with the need for affiliation because it makes it seem like all the listeners and contributors are friends. Things about being the station with the most music, least talk, and shortest commercial breaks give concrete reasons why 94.7 is the best, which is satisfying curiosity. 

Avante Garde is a technique used here. They're trying to make listeners feel better than everyone else and at the forefront of music culture. When they talk about the "60 second" commercial breaks it's an example of facts and figures. Plain folks is also used. They always lump themselves in with listeners, like everyone is on the same side just trying to create a good station for everyone to enjoy together. 

In conclusion, the advertisers/DJs or whoever airs these commercials are hypocritical, whiny narcissists and every time I hear their smug recordings I want to punch them hard in the face. 

Entry 6: Mayhem

One of my favorite commercial series ever is Allstate's "Mayhem" ads. They feature Dean Winters (Dennis from 30 Rock, anyone?) as a variety of characters and forces that eventually damage a car or home in a way that may not be covered by "your current cut rate insurance." They include a storm, an irresponsible teenage son, a rich executive, and a toddler. 

Yes!

My personal favorite is the "teenage girl," probably because that'll be me in about 6 months (get off the roads while you can). 

This guy's deadpan is great. "Now, I'm emotionally compromised, and...whoopsies." It basically describes the complete existence of every teenage girl to ever live. Because for real, Becky is not even hot. Using a real comedy actor was a good call on Allstate's part, it makes the commercials genuinely funny and worth watching. 

The humor of these ads is a way to lighten the mood, because when it comes down to it, they're showing you a bunch of scenarios where people's houses and cars get seriously messed up. That's generally not a positive thing, and while pulling on heartstrings is a widely used approach in advertising, insurance commercials that go that direction are usually shrugged off with "eh, that wouldn't happen to me." 

Underneath the humor there is major plain folks being employed in these ads both individually and as a series. We have toddlers and teenage children, hating on a rich, boss-type guy, buying a Christmas tree with your family, dealing with a GPS recalculating, snow piling up on your roof, your sports team's flag, a hot female jogger distracting you...sounds like you're a 30-50 year old upper middle class male living in a suburban area with a desk job and a family with kids. Just a normal family man. Who is more perfect as an insurance company's target market? They have everything to lose, and need to protect their expensive possessions. Using a young/middle-aged white guy to do their commercials is an attempt to reach their target market with a metaphorical fist bump. 

The plain folks is even more concrete than the "average" target market. At the beginning of the commercial he says, "I am a teenage girl." It always starts that way: "I am a storm, I am  a filthy rich executive," etc. etc. They never tack on any specific labels to the mayhem of the day so people can easily apply them to their own lives. 

The other obvious technique used is wit and humor. These ads are entertaining and funny, making the company seem like more of a good guy than big companies usually do. This is really important for an insurance company, because we need to feel secure with and trust them to have them as our insurance.

The need to feel safe is definitely appealed to here. Although they make it funny, these little stories are designed to make you paranoid. Mayhem comes in many forms, and is unexpected and unstoppable. You need insurance or else you'll be at risk of so many domestic disasters! Don't worry though, Allstate's got you covered. 

Thanks buddy.

The message of these commercials is pretty simple, and unlike a lot of concrete products, insurance companies are pretty much all exactly the same. They can't base their marketing campaigns on things that only mean "the best" because when it comes to this stuff everyone has a different idea of what the best is. So, it becomes even less about the product that other kinds of advertising, and the approach is what's most important. The mayhem commercials put a new, funny spin the well-worn idea that we need to protect ourselves, and for that reason I think they're really good.  

Entry 5: Abercrombie

Everyone knows what typical Abercrombie and Fitch ads look like. They're pretty impossible to ignore. 

Well, searching for those pictures was definitely the most fun I've ever had while doing homework. There are Abercrombie ads with female models in them of course, but most are coupled up with guys in some sort of romantic situation. The solo girl ads are pretty much only up inside actual stores; if you search "Abercrombie ads" on Google, it's almost exclusively male models. I even checked to make sure I hadn't accidentally typed "Abercrombie abs." (Which probably wouldn't be too bad.)

The reason for this is somewhat obvious: girls are the primary Abercrombie consumers. It's fine to have pictures of pretty female models once you're in the store, because they've already reeled you in at that point. It could even make a girl think "Wow, she is so pretty. I'll totally look like that when I wear my Abercrombie clothes." But the bags, the billboards, the huge pictures in the storefront windows, everything you see while you're not inside the store, those pictures are only of extremely athletic, body hair-less hot guys. It practically screams HELLO TEENAGE GIRLS! 

To some extent, this appeals to guys as well. Seeing all their female peers fawning over the Abercrombie boys could make it seem like we would fall all over any guy who wears the brand. 

What's funny to me about that is that these guys are barely wearing any clothing at all. On the first one I see a sort of Christmas-y looking big jacket that's probably not even sold at Abercrombie, the second one is putting on a shirt you can't read, you literally can't see any clothes on the third one, and the three in the fourth all have on nondescript, worn looking cargo shorts. If it didn't have the logo written somewhere on the photo (which some of them don't, but I didn't use any like that), there would be no surefire way to tell it wasn't a still shot from a porno, and it could easily be an ad for many other clothing stores. 

Well someone's gonna have to change before the party...

People only seeing hot guys in your ads and not actually knowing what your brand's name is could be a huge problem for companies who use this strategy, but Abercrombie has managed to make black and white pictures of young attractive people synonymous with their name, instead of losing their brand amidst the many frolicking supermodels. 

So I think their approach has worked. I don't shop at Abercrombie, I don't quite believe in paying $50 for a thin white shirt, but I would definitely not turn down anyone who wanted to buy their clothes for me, or skip out on an extreme supersale or something. Wearing their clothes is nearly equivalent to being attractive and fashionable and tasteful and cool. Few teenage girls (their target market) can resist that appeal. 

Several tactics are used in these ads. Because there are very few actual words on any of their print ads, there isn't much concrete language breakdown to do. However, the only words any of them do have, Abercrombie & Fitch, have a huge meaning beyond their objective reality. What they really are are the last names of David Abercrombie and Ezra Fitch, who started an elite "excursion wear" store in New York City in 1892. Since then they have come to captivate the minds, hearts, and wallets of everyone ever. This is reification. 

The needs for affiliation, attention, autonomy, and (somewhat) escape are addressed in their ads. Affiliation: can you say 'boyfriend'? These smiling hunks are perfect for fantasizing. The ads with groups of people suggest that being united in their impeccable style preferences brings friends closer.  Attention: wearing this will make you hot. Who doesn't want to be hot? Maybe some of the guys in the ads will notice you. (They won't.) Autonomy: wearing these clothes will single you out from the Walmart brand-wearing slobs of the world. Escape: many of their ads' fuzzy backgrounds are beaches or other pristine nature scenes, or the insides of nice houses or picturesque cities. 

As far as techniques, these simple ads seem to use sex appeal, and possibly glittering generalities. The sex appeal is hardly in need of clarification. These guys could not wear their pants slung any lower, and it doesn't look like they have much on underneath. Glittering generalities: these are definitely appealing images, and they insinuate that if you wear their clothes, it will change your life into one of a beautiful person unconcerned with the world's problems, and make you a beautiful person unconcerned with the world's problems. 

Entry 4: Radiohead's "Creep"

Radiohead is an English rock band that became popular in the early nineties and released their latest album last February. I love Radiohead, and they're recognized one of the great alternative, angsty rock bands. However, most people know them from their song "Creep." 

Gotta love it

There was an acapella-ish version used in a trailer for The Social Network (The Social Network-Creep), which I also thought was really good. The point is that it's well known and listened to a lot.

No, this song is not an advertisement for anything. The lyrics are intensely depressing, and perfect to listen to when you need a good cry. I'll admit I've laid on my floor at least once thinking, Oh Thom Yorke, I wish I was special too.(I was probably not only thinking, but singing it soulfully as well). This approach is generally the opposite method advertisers use to reach potential consumers. If someone is sad in a commercial, they end up happy by the end of it, but the last lyrics of Creep are "I don't belong here. I don't belong here." But that's because advertisers are trying to convince you that you need something, so somewhere in there they have to have someone being all happy that they own this thing you now need. All musicians are trying to sell is their music, and once you're listening to it it's already been sold to you, so they have more leeway to send different kinds of messages. 

Creep is kind of an anti-commercial. Normal ads leave you with this optimistic, life-will-improve mindset, while this song basically says "go die, you deeply flawed, worthless...wait for it...creep." And yet, it sells itself in a similar way advertisements do. 

"I want to have control/I want a perfect body/I want a perfect soul/I want you to notice when I'm not around" These are the need to dominate, need for attention or affiliation, and need for autonomy (breed apart), almost exactly expressed. Commercials appeal to these needs to make you feel inadequate, but in a treatable way, with their product being the treatment. This song appeals to these needs purely to engage our more fundamental cravings as humans. There are very few people who don't identify at all with wanting a perfect soul and body. 

Why would people listen to something that's inevitably going to make them feel bad? It's like the cliche ice cream-eating stage of a breakup. 

It will get better

There's a part of us that wants to feel bad, that revels in wallowing. It's a kind of bitter satisfaction, I mean, look at emo kids. Most of them have no reason whatsoever to be as "depressed" (big emphasis on the quotes) as they are, or want to seem. For some reason, desolation and angst have become glorified. It's almost attractive in some social circles to be this plagued, tortured soul, and people (teenage girls, especially, as usual) are trying so so hard to seem cool by acting depressed.

Get off Facebook, poser.

Radiohead has been accused of being whiny. In one of the best South Park episodes ever, Scott Tenorman Must Die, the members of Radiohead make fun of Scott: "Geez, what a little crybaby. You gonna cry all day, crybaby? You know, everyone has problems, it doesn't mean you have to go and be a little crybaby about it." Because this is South Park, it's definitely making fun of more than one thing at a time. Not only poor Scott is being mocked, but Radiohead as well. It's describing their music in the words of many Radiohead critics. 

As painful as it is to admit about one of my favorite bands, Radiohead is pretty whiny, especially their song Creep. It appeals to listeners because it gives us an opportunity to wallow in our buried, but ever present self-hate, and also feel like we share it with other listeners and the band. 

Entry 3: Little Baby's Ice Cream-What the What??

So, this is a thing (actually watch the whole video, it's only a minute): 

Welcome to fear! This is a commercial for a real ice cream company (here's their website: http://www.littlebabysicecream.com/). Although it definitely terrified me into never, ever, buying any of their ice cream for fear of what drugs this guy is on, it's impossible to ignore. I wouldn't say it "grabbed" or "got" my attention so much as...molested it. 

Seriously. Stare at that for a few minutes and try to ever sleep again.

This probably makes me look like a complete psychopath who stays up until 4am watching creepy videos in the dark, chewing on my fingernails and giggling, but a friend actually showed me this video because it's hilarious in a creepy way. We all watched it together and laughed, and still sometimes quote it (after all, this is a special time). The point is, we approached it as a big joke, but thinking back, as crazy as this may sound, it is actually an effective advertisement.

Under the guise of almost making a parody of the "high concept ad" discussed in the persuaders, this a clever approach to reaching consumers. The narrator talks about his glistening skin, clean and clear pores, love of his job and life, being young and light on his feet, and his ability to "spring from ac-tivity to ac-tivity." These are hyperbolic versions of the sentiments many high concept ads denote-the need for attention (good skin/looks), the need for affiliation (being happy and social), and the need to dominate (being physically invincible). It's obviously ridiculous, and it's supposed to be ridiculous. They say eating ice cream keeps you light on your feet? It seems like it's meant to sound like it's making fun of the absurd claims many ads make about the improvements their various products can bring to consumers' lives. 

I admit that before doing the unit on advertising in zero period and thinking about this ad critically, I did not and probably would never have noticed this irony, but I remember that even the first time I watched the commercial I got the sense that something was being made fun of. I mean, that guy is definitely about to crack up, and the cadence of the narrator's voice is deathly serious to the point of mockery. It gave off a vibe of transcending normal ads, which, looking at it now with more knowledge, isn't too far off.

The Frontline episode The Persuaders talked about breaking through the clutter, and how it has become the most difficult task for advertisers in this world of constant marketing. With a combination of unnerving the crap out of me and making me laugh, this ad pierced straight through the normal happy family, happy friends, running through a field laughing type commercials. 

In my opinion, humor is the most effective way to reach customers. It makes it feel like you connect with the advertisers; it gives the experience a conspiratorial sense, which puts you and the company on the same side, which makes you shelling out the cash for their product seem more like a couple buds sharing something. When I watch a funny commercial or see a funny print ad, I know in my logical brain that this was designed to make me laugh and want to spend money on them, but I can't help thinking 'Ha! I totally gotcha bro, this is good stuff.' It's that part of us that will always believe that we are just a little bit better at thinking than everyone else that sees funny ads and immediately thinks it makes us cool because we get it and share this humor with an invisible network of advertisers and consumers.

So, even though this was probably designed by some psychologists somewhere who realized they could easily appeal to vain people who think they're really hip and funny, I still think this ad is awesome and hilarious and I give props to the Little Baby's Ice Cream people for taking a risk with a weirddd commercial. They were able to come up with something different, which is nearly impossible with the number of advertisements out there, and if I ever pass a Little Baby's Ice Cream shop, I'm definitely going in. With a few attack dogs, just in case, but still. 

Entry 2: Blame Biology

It's impossible to read magazines geared towards teenagers without the constant ads for acne creams, cover up, and any other possible ways to hide the oozing mountain ranges that we call skin. It's nice to know that everyone else hates our faces as much as we do, but it's not nice that the majority of these ads are incredibly stupid. Print ads and commericals for Epiduo, a topical acne treatment, particularly piss me off. 

Look at those hip, random doodles; it's like they really understand the teenage mind! It's Ad Populum-appealing to the popular idea that teenagers are all whimsical daydreamers who convey deep meaning in doodles. And those girls look just like me, 25 yeard old and...wait...clear skin? Epiduo has the nerve to draw zits onto models with skin like dewy flower petals on the first day of spring. They aren't even the weird, bright red CGI zits in the Clearasil commercials, they're black circles supposed to look like they've been drawn by pen. 

The popularity of using completely unblemished models in print ads and commercials for acne treatment is understandable but depressing. It shows us sad, pizza-faced people what we yearn to be, forcing us to compare our skin to what we see on the TV or page. It simultaneously destroys our confidence to try and make us want to change our skin, and puts us in a blissful, beauty-induced stupor so we're less critical and more trusting. 

The technique relies completely on pathos, in fact it's pretty illogical. This specific add doesn't even do us the courtesy of having a most likely photoshopped before and after picture to ease our skeptical minds. We're expected to just trust these fresh-faced models.

Who's idea was this? Are these girls who used to be plagued with horrible acne that used Epiduo and now reminisce about their bumpy past with Sharpies and photos of themselves because the Epiduo has affected their minds? Maybe it causes you to hallucinate unicorns and the chemical structure of "science." There's really no telling what it all means because the design of the ads are ridiculous. Sadly, the actual words are worse.

"A breakout. Another breakout. Oh, look...another breakout. Hey, is that a breakout?" No, Epiduo, no, those are sharpie circles. The presence of the word "breakout" is an example of reification. It's used in both ads, and inspires fear deep in my soul. Breakouts are the stereotypical crisis of the teenage existence. I watch a show that follows a 15 year old girl's life, and an entire episode is devoted to her intense questioning of self-worth when she get's a pimple. It's called "The Zit." In reality, most of us get at least a few breakouts, (if you don't please die) and they're a lot less of a big deal than we think. 

There's also shameless vagueness in these ads they tried to play off as humor. "Super acne fighting stuff" and "science" hardly explain why and how Epiduo will kill all the hideous pimples keeping us from enjoying life. It's almost insulting. They expect us to be dumb, zitty teenage girls who will see this and say, "OMG Mom, I need it, it has, like, super acne fighting stuff!" It could be considered an appeal to ignorance. 

In the fine print, there is also an example of weasel words. "You could pay no more than $35 for your Epiduo prescription." We could? Oh thank you for telling us a random price there's no way we're going to  be paying. There's even an asterisk after that $35, and the information it points us to at the bottom is too small to read with human eyes. Maybe using Epiduo causes unicorn hallucinations and better eyesight. 

This Epiduo campaign is one of the least reality-based series of ads I've ever seen. The purposeful use of unblemished models is almost disdainful. It's easy to imagine rich executives or CEOs or whatever fancy fat aging men in suits are called sitting around a big mahogany table. "Should we find some teens with acne and have their journey to clear skin be the center of our ads?" "Ha! Marketing is about appealing to these idiots' deepest desires--just slap on a pretty girl, that's all we need!" If these Epiduo ads alone made you believe the product would work without further research, and I quote Jeffrey Ruttledge: "You are soo dumb."